i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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