If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize