my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
