Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
