saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize