drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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