apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
