you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
