he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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