So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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