i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
