Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
