They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
