I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
