Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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