She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
