last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
