There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize