So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
