Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
