Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
