You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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