so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just fell off a train. Bad.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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