Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize