I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize