her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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