So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
