Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
