True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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