u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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