I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
