At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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