She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I met the friendliest cop last night
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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