i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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