Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
