my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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