dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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