we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
