I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
