3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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