my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
