I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
