My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am available for nakedness
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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