I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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