Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
