In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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