In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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