why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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