i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
