U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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