I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize