you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
