I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
