i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
