I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
