I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
