Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
All I want is dick and wine.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
