five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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