Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
