the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
