her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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