i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
