During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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