we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
